The Titan

Tom Wilkinson is the only reason this thing isn't scored in the twos. That man could read a phone book and I'd nod along. Drop him into a slog like The Titan and he still lands every scene he's in. Bless him.

Everything around him? Woof.

This is a movie about Earth being doomed that somehow makes the end of the world feel like a long layover.

This is a movie about Earth being doomed that somehow makes the end of the world feel like a long layover. Slow. Dragging. The kind of slow where you check your phone, look up, and nothing has happened. Then you check it again ten minutes later and still nothing has happened.

Sam Worthington and Taylor Schilling are just sort of there. I don't blame them entirely, you can only do so much with a script that mistakes staring into the middle distance for tension, but nothing they do pulls you in either. The two people you need to care about are the two flattest things on screen.

The plot doesn't build so much as it just kind of leaks along until the credits show up. I kept waiting for something to grab me. It never did. I came genuinely close to bailing, and that almost never happens to me on the couch, where bailing costs nothing.

So yeah. Wilkinson gets his flowers. Everything else gets a shrug.

If you find yourself scrolling Netflix and the cursor drifts toward this one, keep scrolling. Trust me.